Saligheid Van Muurblom-wees

Ons kan dit nie onder woorde bring nie, maar almal van ons is bang daar is iets verskriklik fout met ons. As ons die prinses was, sou die prins opdaag. As ons die dogter van `n koning was, sou hy vir ons veg. Ons kan nie help om te glo dat as ons anders was, as ons beter was, sou ons nou al wees wat ons verlang om te wees nie. Die fout mòèt by ons lê.

Ons verkies om dus muurblom te wees, onpenetreerbaar en mooi op-`n-rakkie, waar niemand ons kan pla met onbereikbare verwagtinge nie. Waar ons na hartelus kan afskilfer of netjies gesete bly om die verbygaande lewens te aanskou.

En terwyl ons daar sit, wonder ons hoe ons so oortuig geraak het dat ons siektes sonder kuur is, ons foute onverhaalbaar, hoe geen hoeveelheid geld ons selfverwyt kan terugkoop nie; dat vertroue verlore wense is.

As ons muurblomme is, hoef ons nooit in die oë gesit te word nie; nooit te begin of op te gee nie. Ons neem nie deel nie. Ons hoef niks name te onthou nie. Ons het niks (ware) vriende om teleur te stel nie. Ons hoef nie verhoudings te maak of breek nie.

Dis so gerieflik soos onsigbaarheid. Maar wat nou?

Kringe in `n Bos

"Party dinge is altyd se dinge, hulle het nie begin nie en hulle het nie end nie."
"Some things are forever's things, they don't have a beginning and they don't have an end." ~Maska, Circles in a Forest
website for this image: www.goodreads.com

Hierdie boek hier is ons Graad 11 voorgeskrewe boek. Ons is besig om `n tweede kwartaal aan hom te lees. Dalene Matthee (1938-2005), skrywer van al die Bos-boeke, skepper van toepaslike karakters, waardes en gesklipunte, se wese lewe in Kringe in `n Bos deur Saul Barnard. Milieu is geset in Knysna-bos, Suid-Afrika. Die werklikheid le in die fiksie. Tradisioneel, eie, outentiek.


This book here is our Eleventh Grade prescribe work. We're spending a second term reading it. Existence of Dalene Matthee (1938-2005), author of all the Forest books, creator of believable and relevant characters, morals and issues, lives in Circles in in a Forest through Saul Barnard. Milieu is set in the Knysna Forest, South Africa. The reality lies in the fiction. Traditional, unique, authentic.

Mirror

Thing is I'm scared, like most.

 

I get scared of the dark. I'm scared of people watching me. I'm scared of being touched, scared of letting my flaws be noticed, scared of failure, scared ....

 

Of being alone and hurting and being helpless.

But I know this insecurity will pass, because

I'd love to be not scared

not scared of anything,

no fears at all.

Monologue

Just like that, I stopped dreaming of him.
Time passed mundanely like sand through an hourglass.
Like life. Like people.

And he slipped into my mind once in a while. Then, for a few minutes I'd wonder if he was safe. Safer - in his absence.

Just like that, I stopped thinking in twos, I stopped using my phone, I cleared his written pages off the slates of my brain and numbly painted my days beforehand.
Just like that, the power of words, which opened doors to miraculous spaces, stopped working.
And we stopped.

I'd sometimes think about what it would be like If I'd taken all the words back that wasn't my right to say, to take back everything I should never have.
Ignoring the coward that I am, I'd say everything he wanted to hear when I never had the pride to say it.

And if there's another us in dimensions other than this one as they so often say, I want to turn back time with him and be the people that believed in soulmates, when we never did in the previous world - only in the fact that ...
love ...
allowed two imperfections to hinge peacefully together.

IMAGE: postcardlove, www.weheartit.com